In this section I will try to make a compendium of some of the best humorous writings which can be seen on Internet. Only a small part of what is here is mine, and most is anonymous. If at some point I include anything from a known author, I will mention him or her. If you want to send me something which you think should appear here, contact me.
Warning: if you're one of those people who tend to get offended by nearly anything, go back or read at your own risk. I will add all kinds of material, including sexist or politically incorrect jokes, if I think they're funny enough (and many are); and, OBVIOUSLY, that doesn't mean I agree with their content. I think I really shouldn't be explaining this, but I do it just in case. The writings in this page are meant to make you laugh, not to teach you valuable lessons for your life. You are warned.
The canonical answer: He wanted to get to the other side!!
This seems to be one of the oldest jokes around, and it has become a real myth. If the standard answer doesn't satisfy you, you have come to the right place: here is some of the most valuable material concerning this age-old question of mankind: why did the chicken cross the road...
(sources: everything2.com and ancient FW emails)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Martin Luther King Jr: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road."
And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Why did the duck cross the road? 'Cause the chicken was on vacation!
Person 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person 2: I don't know, why?
Person 1: To get his Chinese newspaper! Do you get it?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: Neither do I, I get the New York Times.
OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like chicken.
Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ...
C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.
VB Chicken: USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)
Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket !
Cray/SGI Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.
Lotus Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
COBOL Chicken:
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
BeOS Chicken: Multiple chickens can cross faster than a single chicken can from another coop. (Except the Cray/SGI chicken, of course;-)...)
Mac OS X Chicken: Keeps trying to cross the road, but continues to run back to the original side. Maybe it will cross sometime next year.
Linux Chicken: Checks the schematics of the highway before crossing the road.
Windows XP chicken: Calls the Traffic Department to see if he can cross the road.
The age old question posed to a number of scientific scholars, past and present...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sir Issac Newton: The Laws of Chickens
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the
road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation
for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour,
and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure
most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the other ... er, um ...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Al Gore: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right
now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for
the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
President George W. Bush: I don't believe we need to get the chickens across
the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government
needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Senator Leiberman: I believe that every chicken has the right to worship
his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey
and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own
way.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Secretary Cheney: Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could
fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need
help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ralph Nader: Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil
tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to create
the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an
advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean
by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ronald Reagan: What chicken?
Hello. You've reached the psychiatric hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1. Repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you suffer from multiple personality disorder, please press 3,4 and 5.
If you are delusional, the voices in your head will tell you what to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter what you press - no one gives a damn.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want - please hold on the
line while your call is being traced.
Nothing else at the moment!